Boobs ! Breasts ! Boom !

Terror group Al-Qaida is plotting attacks on Heathrow Airport using women suicide bombers with explosives concealed in breast implants. My views :

- For once Al-Qaida have united all men-folk across religions! One thing we love most about women & these terrorists plan to blow them up ?? Rascals !

- Why to use females with big boobs when clearly they can use Punjabi men with bigger boobs ??

- Will the bar Hooters now be renamed Shooters ?

- The trigger in these boobie bombs will be in the bra hooks. Bomb diffusal squads which comprise men will have no clue on how to open/diffuse them

- Another dilemma these squads will face - To cut the red bra strap or blue bra strap ?

- What if only one boob explodes - does she get a refund or can she sue her doctor or does she go to hell?

- The Chemical formula for these bombs be 32B + 2(RDX) + C4 ----> 38D + BOOM !

- It will be a double whammy for these female terrorists when they die and go to heaven as none of the 72 male virgin would want to touch a female without boobs

- Some of the proposed names for these terror groups - Lashkar-e-Babblay , Hizboobs Mujahideen, Harkat-E-Mammay

- The next 'Die Hard' movie edition will star Bruce Willis on a wheelchair sitting in Immigration Dept at JFK airport just fondling boobs of females and screaming Yippie kaiye Mother fucker !

The practical benefits of reopening Dance Bars in India

The awesome super cool Supreme Court has ruled that Dance Bars can re-open in Mumbai. Hurrah ! Some benefits of reopening Dance Bars in Mumbai :-

- At least now you know a sure shot place where to get change of your 100 Rupee note.

- Complacent Girlfriends and Wives will now have to raise their game with their figures and dance moves

- New Generation will now know that TOPAZ is not just a blue colored gemstone

- Dance bars can rent out their venues on slow nights for other functions like mundan, Mata ki Chowki, standup comedy nights, poetry reading, divorce ceremonies, etc.

- Bachelor parties will once again regain their lost glory

- Bollywood Choreographers now know where to find good dancers in case of a sudden film shoot.

- Songs like Babli, Munni, Chameli, etc will finally find their true home rather than loitering around in wedding sangeet functions and kiddie birthday parties.

- At least now you know where to find your local cop / politician / goonda / husband in the night in case of an emergency

Guide to prevent mosquito bites this monsoon !

Monsoons are here and a long with Malaria Maata and Dengue Daata are here !! Simple guide to prevent mosquito bites this season :-

- Put a mosquito net over the bed but sleep unprotected on the couch. The mosquitoes will see the net, assume that you are sleeping on the bed,will focus their attack strategy on the bed thus leaving you alone to sleep peacefully on the couch.

- Spray half a can of HIT over your body, put ÀLL-OUT drops in your eyes & ears & drink 3 tbsp of BAYGON before you sleep. Remember - Loha lohe ko Kat-ta hain (Sholay, 1975)

- Burn camphor in your room. The mosquitoes are unaffected but it burns your eyes so much that you are wide awake throughout the night to hunt and kill them with your bare hands.

- Sleep in between your mother in law and wife every night. The mosquitoes will leave you alone ~ Hasn't this guy suffered enough?

- Keep your tennis/squash/badminton racket along with any medals and certificates you acquired in these sports near the bedside along with the mosquito racket. The mosquitoes will know not to mess with you. Fake certificates will not do as these guys are extremely Intelligent.

- Before you go to sleep start a good porn movie in your room TV. These guys may be hungry but are equally horny.

- Wear a mask of Raj Thackeray and sleep unprotected. Forget mosquitoes nobody will touch you.

If L.K. Advani would have to rescue 15000 Sindhis from Uttarakhand

Last week Narendra Modi rescued 15000 Gujjus from Uttarakhand overnight. If LK Advani would've to rescue 15000 Sindhis from there, it would never work out because :-

- There would've been considerable delay as LK Advani would've sulked, resigned from the BJP , sulked further and then rejoined BJP upset with Modi's first mover advantage. 

- Every single day of delay would increase the number of refugees as the horny sindhis would've started reproducing like rabbits.

- 15 days would've gone in just planning the menu & sourcing the food to be served to the refugees - Kulfi falooda from Kailash Parbhat , Colaba , Samosas from Guru Kripa, Sion, papads from Kalyan and sweet lassi from Bhagat Tarachand, Bhuleshwar. Sindhis will starve but never settle for anything less.

- It would've been difficult to overnight arrange for 15000 lawn mowers required to trim the one week overgrown ear and nose hair for all the refugees.

- The refugees would've refused to leave "Wadi Baba humne char dham ka paisa diya tha. Do dham abhi hi baaki hain. Pehle paisa refund karo vyaaj ke saath"

- A fight would've started between Notandas Jewellers and Charagh Din as to who would sponsor the entire campaign.

- The entire rescue would be delayed as LK Advani would have sent 80 raths instead of Toyota Innovas.

- In any case if 80 Toyota Innovas were sent, the Sindhis would've stripped them, put the spares in their bags and come and sell them at Opera house for a munaafa to recover the cost of the failed trip.

- The rescue operations would come to a standstill at sun down as everybody would start drinking their JW Black Label with half soda/half water/no ice. Cheers !

Benefits of sending your children to a Sindhi college

My dad went to Jaihind College, I went to Jaihind College and now both my children will also go to Jaihind College ~ SINDHI PARAMPARA !! And happy that one child has taken Sindhi as her 2nd language ! And even happier that the fees for her entire year of education is Rs. 950/= !! * wipes the khushi ke asoon from his eyes * ! My life is complete. I am going to the Himalayas and we will be back when they are ready to get married in Sun-n-Sand Hotel to a nice Sindhi boy..

Here are 10 benefits of sending your kids to a Sindhi College :

1. All kids look fresh and healthy (khaate-peete ghar ke bacche)

2. Probability of finding a Sindhi spouse for your kid increases exponentially. 

3. Your kid will never go hungry. Someone in class will always be carrying extra 'Kokis'

4. Your kid will never go thirsty. Someone in class will always be carrying a bottle of JW Black label (bought from Sahar Airport (pre-booked))

5. Kids will have similar issues to discuss - excessive hair growth, gastric problems, gold prices, Zara sale.

6. Kids start appreciating finer things in life early like poker, single malts, diamond solitaires and how to make free fresh lime water from ingredients available on a restaurant table. 

7. Nobody makes jokes on Ulhasnagar Haang Kaang & papads but everybody makes jokes on Gujjus and their theplas.

8. All kids are excellent in maths especially in those problems involving money lending interest rates and money conversion rates. 

9. Your kids learn Sindhi expletives which have so much more depth and punch than English and Hindi ones e.g. 'Lakh Laanat Ti'

10. Your kid gets an extra holiday every year - Cheti-Chand

William is a Gujju ! William is a Gujju !

Whoa ! Prince William has Gujju DNA in him as his 5th great grandfather had screwed an Indian housekeeper from Surat while he was in the East India Co. !! My views on the same :-

- No wonder that clock tower in London is called 'Big Ben' - dedicated to her !

- The British Royal family had to be Gujjus - Nice joint family living under one roof with an old Baa who refuses to die

- The British Royal family had to be Gujjus - Not paying taxes for life & yet smile & act as if they own the country

- The British Royal Family had to be Gujjus - love travelling & have visited every country on planet Earth.

- The British Royal Family had to be Gujjus - love dressing gaudy whenever they step out

- Gujjus in Wembley today must be ecstatic screaming ~ Aapro William ~ Aapro William !

- Gujarat Tourism gets a new impetus. Come... screw in a bit of Gujarat !