A Goan becomes India's Defence Minister

: A Goan becomes India's Defence minister. This is what we should expect :

- Code names for covert military operations will now have names like - Operation Brittos, Operation Club Cabana, Operation Lucky Star, etc

- All armed forces will shut shop and sleep from 1 pm to 6 pm everyday - whatever happens !

- All armed personnel will have to compulsory make fake tattoos on their arms with that dirty black ink which spoils all your clothes

- Cashew Feni & Kings Beer will be available free at all military posts including Siachen Glacier

- India will not fight any war from October to May when all the beach shacks are open and in business

- India will exit from Siachen and instead try to take over Karachi beach and any other beach which Pakistan has.

- Armed forces who are shifting from one military camp to another will now have to pay exorbitant taxi charges (approx Rs. 500/= per km)

- Military training will include beach paragliding, jet skiing, dolphin spotting & riding a banana boat for 20 mins without falling off..

- Regiment names will changed e.g. from Sikh Regiment, Gurkha Regiment etc to Candolim Regiment, Anjuna Regiment, etc. Baga Regiment will be the most crowded - full of North Indians.

- There will be no Army, Navy & Air Force. It will simply be called 'North' Armed Forces & 'South' Armed Forces henceforth

Phew !

My humble tribute to Indira Nooyi

Last night I got home from a killer show about 10, got into the garage, and my wife was waiting at the top of the stairs. And I said, "Wife, I've got great news for you." She said, "Let the news wait. Can you go out and get some milk?"


I looked in the garage and it looked like my domestic help was home. I said, "What time did he get home?" She said, "8:00." I said, "Why didn't you ask him to buy the milk?" "He's tired." [...] She said, just get the milk. We need it for the morning. So like a dutiful hubby, I went out and got the milk and came back.

I banged it on the counter and I said, "I had great news for you. I've just been told that I'm going to be the closing act at an important show. And all that you want me to do is go out and get the milk, what kind of a wife are you?"

And she said to me, "Let me explain something to you. You might be the best comedian. You might be a CEO who has got talent. But when you enter this house, you're the hubby, you're the father, you're the driver, the cook, my personal slave & in charge of the washing machine. You're all of that. Nobody else can take that place. So leave that damned crown in the garage. And don't bring it into the house. You know I've never seen that crown." ‪

MICROSOFT CEO is a Hindustani

An Indian Satya Nadella from Hyderabad becomes the CEO of Microsoft. Things you can expect now :

1. Each Windows CD will now ship with a free CD of 'Mata ki bhent' from T series

2. The default screen saver will be of India's iconic figure - Savita Bhabhiji

3. All their software will now support default languages like Marathi, Sindhi, Bhojpuri, Tapori, etc

4. All those dudes selling pirated copies of Microsoft software outside railway stations will be absorbed in Microsoft as Sr. sales executives.

5. After Windows 7, Windows 8, the next versions of Microsoft Windows will be named Windows Nav Do Gyarah, Windows 786, etc

6. No Microsoft software will ever be declared end-of-life. They will continue recycling it with the simple Indian mother's logic - how can you waste anything beta ?

7. All Microsoft employees including Bill Gates will have to oil their hair at work everyday, do Ganeshji ki pooja before start of work and eat dal rice with their hands at lunch henceforth.

8. All their products will come with option of installing it one by two, two by three, etc

9. All Microsoft products will stop working in Pakistan & China from today. Just a giant middle finger will appear as they boot their PCs with a sinister voice saying - Fucked you guys !

10. All Microsoft offices will globally follow Indian holiday list i.e. shut for Janmasthami, Shivaji Jayanti, Diwali & open during Easter & Christmas

11. All Microsoft employees will now be allowed to take 2 hours off on Raksha Bandhan (either morning or evening)

12. Bill Gates will change his name to Billu Ganesh just so that he blends with the rest of the Indians in the Co.

13. All Microsoft products will now have to compulsory have the ISI mark and MRP sticker globally.

14. Windows logo will be replaced with the Doordarshan logo

15. All Windows critical updates will henceforth be nothing but just updated menu cards from Paradise Biryani of Hyderabad.

Phew !