My resolution for the new year 2012 !

This note has been prepared not to show off but to document my weight loss and once for all answer all those who have been surprised to see the new me after a gap of 4 months.

It had been some time (2 years) since my last full body checkup.I was wanting to do it but pushing it because of time or perhaps also because somewhere at the back of my mind I knew that the results would be alarming.However the main reason why I wanted to do it was because sometime in May I had lost a young fit cyclist friend to cardiac arrest.

I think we are educated enough and if we don't respect the readings of your body then we are idiots.So finally after many deliberations went to the Path Lab in August and got my full body checkup. The results , as expected were alarming but most dangerous parameter was my blood sugar levels. The readings read 220 (fasting) and 320 (post fasting)..Now if you know little bit of blood sugar..this basically meant I would be fucked in case I did not take care immediately.

Since long as I can remember I have always been an overweight/stocky kind of guy with heavy bones..My weight was always in the 90 Kgs bracket. However I have always been quite an active kind of guy..I cycled once a week, played squash 1-2 times /week and go the gym at least twice a week. In spite of that I would never lose weight  all because of my eating habits..eating all wrong stuff, lots of sweets, snacks, etc. Also I had reconciled to the fact that I would never lose weight because as they say with growing age your BMR slows down and also the old school thought that its ok if you eat everything as long as you exercise..All bullshit !

 Coming back to August, my family doctor immediately put me on diabetes medication and told me to stop all sugar in any form and also recommended me to a dietitian..Oh Damn ! I hated the frickin word "dietitian"..either they are way too expensive or they give too less to eat and more to drink. Fortunately I found a dietitian who was not very expensive and promised to me that I will loose around 1 kg of weight per week if I followed the diet to the 'T'.. I once again thought "bullshit" in my mind but anyway decided to give it my best shot..

Well now first rule about dietitians ~ try to find a dietitian who is a Sardar or Muslim and not a vegetarian Hindu.someone who will give you a diet of paya soup or tandoori chicken with maa ki daal or biryani..Jokes apart, my dietitian put me on a fairly decent diet..those kinds wherein you eat every 2 hours ..etc etc...We all know what are the good foods and the bad foods..

 Well I will not bore you and share the diet details but then whatever..it has worked and I have lost around 14 kgs in around 14 weeks. One thing which worked for me I felt that I have been very regular about exercising (1 hour everyday) and was not difficult for me as I enjoy exercising.

 I am enjoying the new me - getting a lot of compliments, Have moved from size XL to size L/M ,waist size from 39 to 33, I can see my dick by just looking down, Most of the tyres on my body (including on my boobs) are disappearing , I have discovered new bones in my body..and best of all the blood sugar level in my body is back to normal..

 In a nutshell all those who want to lose weight remember ~ its diet + exercise + pranayams (10 mins a day) + of course life style change which comes with it..

 Would like to thank a few people who helped me lose weight ~ Lajja Shah (dietitian) , Imran Shaikh (gym trainer), old friend Jatin Mehta (for guiding me and introducing me to pranayams) , my cycling croup 'Mumbai cycling Enthusiasts' (who I cleverly used and started organising 2 cycling events per week) , Manoj Mandal (my cook) , my mom, my sister in law and lastly my children and wife (for bearing with me and my mood swings during the initial period).

 Now comes the difficult part ~ seeing that I don't put on weight back and that's my resolution for 2012 !

My resolution for the year 2012

This note has been prepared not to show off but to document my weight loss and once for all answer all those who have been surprised to see the new me after a gap of 4 months.

It had been some time (2 years) since my last full body checkup.I was wanting to do it but pushing it because of time
or perhaps also because somewhere ar the back of my mind I knew that the results would be alarming.However the main reason why I wanted to do it was because sometime in May I had lost a young fit cyclist friend to cardiac arrest.

I think we are educated enough and if we dont respect the readings of your body then we are idiots.So finally after many deliberations went to the Path Lab in August and got my full body checkup. the results , as expected were alarming but most dangerous parameter was my blood sugar levels. The readings read 220 (fasting) and 320 (post fasting)..Now if you know little bit of blood sugar..this basically meant I would be fucked in case I did not take care immediately.

Since long as I can remember I have always been an overweight/stocky kind of guy..My weight was always in the 90 Kgs bracket. However I have always been quite an active kind of guy..I cycled once a week, played squash 1-2 times /week and go the gym at least twice a week. Inspite of that I would never lose weight  all because of my eating habits..eating all wrong stuff
lots of sweets, snacks, etc. Also I had reconciled to the fact that I would never lose weight because as they say with growing age your BMR slows down and also the old school thought that its ok if you eat everything as long as you exercise..All bullshit !

Coming back to August, my family doctor immediately put me on diabetes medication and told me to stop all sugar in any form and also recommended me to a dietician..Oh Damn ! I hated the frickin word "dietician"..either they are way too expensive or they give too less to eat and more to drink. Fortunately I found a dietician who was not very expensive and promised to me that I will loose around 1 kg of weight per week if I followed the diet to the 'T'.. I once again thought "bullshit" in my mind and anyway decided to give it a shot..

Well now first rule about dieticians ~ try to find a dietician who is a Sardar or Muslim and not a vegetarian Hindu.someone who will give you a diet of paya soup or tandoori chicken with maa ki daal or biryani..Anyway my vegetarian hindu dietician stopped all my non-veg (as its high in proteins and thus calories) and put me on a fairly decent veg diet..those kinds wherein you eat every 2 hours ..etc etc.

Well I will not bore you and share the diet details but then whatever..it has worked and I have lost around 14 kgs in around 14 weeks.One thing which worked for me I felt that I have been very regular about exercising (1 hour everyday) and was not difficult for me as I enjoy exercising.

I am enjoying the new me - getting a lot of compliments, Have moved from size XL to size L/M ,waist size from 39 to 33, I can see my dick by just looking down, Most of the tyres on my body (including on my boobs) are disappearing , I have discovered new bones in my body..and best of all the blood sugar level in my body is back to normal..started eating non-veg..

In a nutshell all those who want to lose weight remember ~ its diet + exercise + pranayams + of course life style change which comes with it..

Would like to thank a few poople who helped me lose weight ~ Lajja Shah (dietician) , Imran Shaikh (gym trainer), Jatin Mehta (for guiding me and introducing me to pranayams) , Manoj Mandal (my cook) , my mom, my sister in law and lastly my children and wife (for bearing with me and my mood swings during the initial period).

Now comes the difficult part ~ seeing that I dont put on weight back and thats my resolution for 2012 !

Gods of a lesser God

For 30+ years both my parents have been very regularly going for their morning walks on Juhu Beach.

Since many years, they have been picking up idols of Ganeshas and other Gods which pop out usually after November right upto May and these are those idols which are not engulfed by the Arabian Ocean during the various visarjans which take place throughout the year. Obviously these idols are made of POP or other synthetic material which the Arabian Ocean refuses to swallow.

My parents do not go out of their way to pick it up. They pick up only those which come at their feet.

My mom has adorned these idols in our Garden and thru the years they would have picked up more than 100+ such small un-immersed idols.

Their reasoning (some of them funny) :

- These are idols which did not want to drown in the sea. My dad feels they cannot swim and are scared to do so.
- These idols are non-biodegradable and would anyway harm the ocean
- My dad strongly feels that these idols reflect +ve energy in our house and are lucky.
- By just lying on the beach , they would get ill treated and not honoured properly.

I have enclosed a photo also. Next time you come to my house, do please come and see this small orphanage of Gods.

also in case you do come across any such idols while walking/jogging on the beach, please pick up them coz afterall they are 'Gods of a lesser God'.

Shri Anna Hazare at a Fashion Show

Yesterday I had gone for a fashion show at the on-going Fashion week being held at the Hotel Grand Hyatt. I reached early for the show. While I was waiting there I chanced upon a conversation between 2 hip and haute women. Here are some excerpts of this great conversation :

Sheila :  Hi babes., where you’ve been (muah  muah). Hey nice white khadi dress !

Tina : Thanks (muah muah). Here only babes. Sorry I am late. I had gone for Anna’s at Azad.

Sheila : What’s that ?  Is it a new kabab place like Ayub’s at Kala Ghoda ?

Tina : No silly, but its somewhere there only .I am talking about the Anna Hazare  show going on at Azad Maidan.

Sheila : Yeah I heard about this guy.. He’s fasting na for some corruption thingy. So cool and happening. Where is this maidan ? How was it ?

Tina : It’s that ground near Bombay Gym , opp. Fashion Street  There was no parking but luckily my driver pataoed a traffic cop and double parked. The ground was so dirty and mucky and my Choos also got all dirty but then it’s all for a good cause. At the show everyone was wearing white khadi. It looked so good especially with the white topis. It was amazing ! There were so many celebrities shouting away slogans and  all waiting to either perform or get arrested. It was so inspiring. Damn ! I tried but didn’t get arrested.

Sheila : So sad. Sorry honey but since I read only the Bombay Times so don’t know much about this. Tell me more about this Anna Hazare. By the way is he related to Sarita Davare since he’s fasting ?

Tina : I don’t know that, but he’s an old man and fasting to get some Lokpal Bill passed in Delhi and don’t know why he got arrested. But then who cares.  I think he’s related to Gandhi. No! not the cutie Rahul but the earlier one -  on whom the movie was made. Speaking of bills, I heard about the bill you gals ran up at Indigo yesterday at the kitty. Wicked !

Sheila : Ya, we were discussing in the kitty also as to how this time all this Anna thingy is only at Azad Maidan. Last time those candle marches were so much fun and convenient. You walk for a while with candles and flags, click photos for Facebook  and then go for drinks and dinner at a nice lounge bar.

Tina :  Yup, that’s why I went today and finished it off. You know we have to go to our Karjat farmhouse for this long weekend. We were supposed to go to London but my hubby’s passport got delayed in the renewal process and even though he was willing to pay 5000 bucks to the agent to expedite this they just wouldn’t listen. So silly ! It would have been so much better. By the way whose fashion show is it today ?

Sheila : Guess what ?? A co-incidence ! Today’s fashion show by  Rendell Wodricks is  inspired by Anna Hazare and is based on his theme. Thin fasting anorexic models  all wearing white. Let’s quickly go the bar and grab a drink before the show starts.

(At the bar )

Sheila : Hey bartender. What’s the special cocktail for today ?

Bartender : Ma’am, since it’s the Anna Hazare inspired show, today’s special is the ‘Anna-tini ‘ ~ 250ml of fasting lime juice with 60 ml of martini, 30 ml of Vodka , crushed ice and not a drop of corruption (with a smile)

Sheila : That’s great. We’ll have 2 of those.

(The gals get their drinks. The show begins and as is the tradition at the end of the show, the designer walks out with 3 ladies all wearing white khadi salwar kurtas  and Anna Hazare topis)

Tina : Hey Sheila., who are these  show stopper ladies Rendell is walking out with ?? Never seen them !

Sheila : Babes, the one in the centre is Mrs Kalmadi, the one on the right is Mrs. A. Raja and the one on the left with the Indian Flag is Mrs. Balwa..This show is sponsored by DB REALITY silly…cheers !

All the best to  Shri Anna Hazare !

Please share if you like it.

Why I dont think there will be another terrorist attack in Mumbai

In today's newspaper the CM says that Mumbai is not equipped to tackle terror. Our future PM says blatantly that not all terrorist attacks can be stopped.

Which basically means we are fucked and left to fend for ourselves !

However today morning while I was scanning the FM channels I think I stumbled upon a channel which picked up some chatter from somewhere in POK (Pakistan occupied Kashmir)..Here are the excerpts of this conversation :

Chacha-jaan (CJ) : Welcome Bhai-jaan (BJ), welcome back from a succesful Mumbai blast. We scared them..hurrah ! (in the background there are gunshots being fired in the air).

BJ : Ghanta CJ ! Balls we scared them ..No effect at all. Next day it was all back to normal.As if nothing happened !

CJ : Then next month you go back again and plant some more bombs.

BJ : No dude..I am not going back.

CJ : Why ? 

BJ : No challenge.I just walk in- bomb the place- walk out, Its so easy and I am bored. I have been in the business for many years, took so much training, slept with you stinky bastards, every night I think of those 72 whores waiting for me in heaven..I also need the adrenaline, some excitement . Every time same bloody Zaveri Bazaar, same same locations..I am sick and tired of Mumbai. 

CJ : Relax baccha, today I heard they will beef up security, install 5000 cameras , update the NSG..I promise next time will be fun.

BJ : CJ you are a chut to believe all this. this will never happen..Its been years after those hotel attacks..anything happened ?? Balls, I am not going back..period.

CJ : OK, lets forget South Mumbai for a while, lets look at other areas of Mumbai.

(They open a map of Mumbai on a table and look at it)

CJ: Peddar Road ?

BJ : Too close to the US Consulate..they will fucking send big missiles up our ass..

CJ: Yeah agreed..we fucked them once..thats enough..what about Worli ?

BJ: No no, Worli is one big mess now.. Upper, lower, east, west Worli ..I get confused there..full fucking area is called Worli now ..dont know where it starts and where it ends..We will never get to co-ordinate anything from there.

CJ : Dadar again ?

BJ: Are you fucking insane..do you lavdoos have a Dadar Fetish ..Thrice we tried blowing it.. all of them now know me on first name basis there.

CJ: Mahim ?

BJ : Are you nuts ? Firstly the stink will kill me and secondly on a Wednesday ??...no way ..Cant move your arm or leg there thanks to the novena there..I will fucking be the first to come under a stampede.

CJ : Ok Bandra then ??

BJ : Bose DK , last time I went to Bandra to do a recce, I was hungry so went to a new place called Hakkasan for dinner..They fucking took my money, wallet, my mobile with my timer, my explosives, my dry fruits, everything..they stripped me ..i am not stepping close to Bandra now.

CJ : Ok its Khar then ! Final !

BJ : Khar??..are you frickin crazy..you dont remember what happened to our other Bhai-jaan last time..He was fixing a bomb on his scooter in Khar..he went to take a leak and when he was back, everything was stolen by the Sindhis there , only the Scooter stand was remaining..they even took the wires (both red and black).

CJ : Oh fuck.yes...lets move on..Santacruz ?? 

BJ : Sorry I may be a terrorist and frustrated but I am not gay..Santacruz has a fuckin 'PINK' foot over bridge ..Sorry kill me now but i dont enter gay territory ! No !

CJ : Juhu beach then ? Always  crowded and we will get a lot of mileage..Its the Bollywood hub !

BJ : CJ the problem with you is that you have been stuck in this POK for way too long..Have you seen Juhu Beach ?? Before I walk 10 metres there, either the fuckin plastic will devour me or Amitabh Bachchan's continous tweets will kill me..

CJ : OK last stop - Versova ?

BJ : Dude..no need to kill Versova citizens..Their own bloody never ending Metro will kill them either by the delay or by the pollution..No point !

CJ : Yeah dude..now I see what you getting at..Mumbai is too easy and they have enough of their problems ..I get your point..lets forget Mumbai.(they tear the map)...how about we go to Delhi and kill their entire fucking Cabinet ??

BJ : Sorry dude..firstly  I dont do pigs...secondly..the Indians will only be too happy..We are here to terrorize them..not to solve their problems and make them happy.. 

So now freinds..you can be safe and relax..no-one is attacking Mumbai...